Harold ~ 10,000 Reasons

It's been so long since I have written that I had quite a time getting back in here. I have wanted to write on occasion over the last few years, but I have been in a season of withdrawal. However, the Lord won't allow me to let go of this blog post. The truth is, I don't want to write it. It's raw, and parts of this story hurt my pride. I am a flawed human, broken, but in love with my Savior.

2 years ago I discovered porn on JD's computer. The Holy Spirit lead me to it. It was during a local mission week at our church. We had an excellent guest speaker in, and we were working hard alongside the teens; I thought we had it all together. I had told JD more than once, after he was unfailthful to me, that there would not be a second chance. I meant it with my whole heart. When I found the porn, my love for him died. I was ready to leave him. I only stayed the next few days because I didn't want to interrupt my kids mission week. God, of course, knew this would be the timing. He knew that I would've been gone if it was a "normal" week. I was working in the sound room during the services, and after finding the porn I just stayed in there, instead of going to my seat by JD. I could see him, broken, weeping before the Lord, woshipping with his hands raised. But, I was not affected by it at all. He had been lying to me our whole marriage. I told him he was dead to me, and I meant it. At night, I would wake up and he would be kneeling by the bed praying.

The Sunday of mission week, JD wanted to tell the congregation. I asked him not to. I wasn't ready for the humiliation, and I wanted to leave him during the upcoming week. I didn't want any of the church people trying to talk me out of it. He basically confessed, without bringing up the specific sin, during his message that morning. The invitation was a moving time. Our sweet Bekah shared her personal testimony, and during that I knew I had to share what was going on. In front of the church, I told the story. I also said I didn't know if I would be staying with him. I sat down at the altar; my friends came and prayed over me, over us. I was stripped bare.

There were some things that I knew. I knew that I was a child of the King. I knew that I would continue to serve Him. I knew that He would give me the strength to go on. I knew that I was leaving JD.

My children were terribly hurt. They found this out with the congregation, which is something I will
always regret. I wanted to make this as easy as possible for them. So, I was going to stay awhile and let them finish up their summer activities while I made plans for our future.

We are always very busy in the summer months at EBC. 2013 was no exception. But, there was a big difference going on around our house. JD was humbly pursuing God, at all hours of the day and night. He was begging the Lord for another chance with his family. It was sincere, and it showed. I had a huge wall built up that only the Lord could tear down. There were many instances where he had been praying for the Lord's leading to know what to say or do to help me see that he was sincere, and I would be amazed. The Lord speaks to us when we listen.

I was beginning to soften toward J within a month, but I was guarded. Honestly, my internal attitude was that I would ride along for as long as the good times lasted, hoping to finish the kids schooling during the "good". I would not give him my heart, and he would never be able to hurt me again. I was not at all committed.

I have not told my immediate family of this to this day. I didn't want to "stand up" for JD again. It felt foolish to say all the same things...this time it's real, etc. I needed him to walk it out for a long time before I could stand by his side, and claim I'm in good hands. He has continued to walk it out.

Now the reason for the title of this blog post...

Harold was a very dear man. He was my neighbor. The reason he was my neighbor is because he donated the land for EBC, the church JD pastors, and the home of the parsonage where I live. He was a gentle and kind man. He was a servant. He was one of the hardest working men I have known. He was always outside working in his gardens, climbing ladders, and hauling things with his "motorcycle" (4 wheeler). He donated his time cleaning the church, and keeping the large yard mowed and looking nice. He was kind to all; everyone loved this soft spoken man. He loved the Lord, and stood strong on what he believed. He was diagnosed with cancer sometime in 2012 I believe. He was a fighter, and continued strong in his body and in his faith until the end. His end came on August 7th. During the last week of his life, he was in a tremendous amount of pain. He would have some peace when we sang to him. JD & I stayed with his family the last 3 days at hospice. I watched this man of God fight hard to stay alive. He was beating all the statistics. They would give him hours to live, and he would go another day. We all felt he was hanging on for something specific to happen. I believe now that he was hanging on for JoNell, his wife. He knew how much she relied on him; he was her rock. I witnessed first hand someone who stayed the course. To the end Harold was faithful. I wanted to be like him. 

God was speaking to me as I watched the end of Harold's life. He was showing me that I was not being obedient with the compromise that I had come up with for my life. That I was not all in with Him, if I was not all in with JD. He was also showing me a new man in JD. 

That summer there was a Christian song that was very popular, "10,000 reasons."

I heard it on the way home from hospice after Harold passed. He was always punctual, and he went to be with the Lord at 4 o'clock sharp that morning. Those of us gathered around his bed were singing "Jesus is Tenderly Calling Me Home" as he took his last breath. 

Here are a few lines from 10,000 reasons, and what they mean to me.

You're rich in love, and You're slow to anger

Your name is great, and Your heart is kind

For all Your goodness I will keep on singing

Ten thousand reasons for my heart to find

God is the ultimate source of love, He has forgiven me over and over. If my goal is to look more like Jesus, which it is, then I need to be slow to anger, forgiving, and kind. His goodness is the reason I chose then, and I choose now to be obedient to Him. 

And on that day when my strength is failing

The end draws near and my time has come

Still my soul will sing Your praise unending

Ten thousand years and then forevermore

I watched as Harold's strength failed. His soul sang with ours right to the end, and I know that he is praising the Lord in heaven. 

The sun comes up, it's a new day dawning

It's time to sing Your song again

Whatever may pass, and whatever lies before me

Let me be singing when the evening comes

When we got home I asked JD to lay on the trampoline with me. The sun was coming up, it was a beautiful sunrise, and this song was going through my head. I knew it was time for our "new day." I knew that I could sing again, and that whatever was going to happen, I wanted to choose love, obedience, joy, peace. I told JD that morning that I was jumping in with both feet again. Committing to him, and to our marriage. It has been hard; there have been a lot of tears, and I have built walls that had to be torn down. I fight with Satan and his lies almost daily, and this life is a battle. But, it's a battle worth fighting! 

I often feel like my old husband, JD, did die on that awful day, and I received a new husband. He is truly different. I am grateful to serve the God of another chance. He alone is awesome! 

I know this is a book, yet there are so many questions that aren't answered here. If you have questions for me, or I can be of a help to you, please feel free to message me. I truly believe that God never wastes anything in our lives. 

10,000 Reasons Chorus ~

Bless the Lord, O my soul

O my soul

Worship His holy name

Sing like never before

O my soul

I'll worship Your holy name

Jesus, I'll worship Your holy name

Lord, I'll worship Your holy name

Sing like never before

O my soul

I'll worship Your holy name

Jesus, I'll worship Your holy name

I'll worship Your holy name

Blessings,

Heather Kay

Happy 11th Birthday, Eli!

Happy Birthday to my little man!


He requested his favorite breakfast in bed, so, that is what he got.
Biscuits, bologna gravy, eggs, and fried apples!

It's pouring rain today, so he will not be outside to play on his new trampoline. Instead, we are heading to the old birthday stand-by...Chuck E. Cheese!

Have a great day!

Blizzard 2011 Pic's For the Family

For my Florida family

9 AM

10 AM

11:45 AM

When Blizzard 2011 Comes In.....

The parents wake up hearing the ice hitting the windows at 4:30 AM, and move into action.

Big nasty farm dogs get to sleep in the laundry room.

10 year old boys sleep in their new birthday sleds, dreaming of snow days, forts, & sledding.

The ice is covering the ground at this point, and blizzard conditions with up to 16" of snow are expected today. I love it!

Happy New Year

On the 1st, while getting ready to go to my sister's house. I walked outside, and right in front of my house, stood a cow with a leg hanging out her back end. Since we moved here I have wanted to see a calf born. The field behind my house is where the dairy cows have their down time. These dairy cows provide milk for Kraft. From the time they are being bred until they calf, they are in our pasture. Most of them like to go off by themselves when they give birth, so I have seen many hours-old calves over the year, but never one being born. This mama stayed within 15 feet of the fence that separated us and gave birth to this cow. I was so excited! Truly, God has spoken to me most over the years through nature. On this day, I was reminded that He is the giver of life and new beginnings. May 2011 bring us closer to Him!


There is a picture below taken within minutes of the birth. If you click it to view large, or look too close, you will see some afterbirth. If you are squeamish, don't look!

10 Year Old Boys

Here are a few shots of my Brother, Sister, our spouses & kids during the visit. See the 10 year old? (Eli) No one noticed that he was blowing a bubble in every shot we took together...UGH! There are literally 15-20 pictures like this. Oh well, it will be something to laugh at when I am older.

Miss Emma Comes to Hayee's House

Christmas was wonderful this year, BUT, the best part was the week after when Miss Emma arrived with her mom & dad for a week. She kept us all smiling all week long. I am Hayee to my nieces and nephews because my first nephew Travis named me that. This Hayee spoiled this little lady as much as I could get away with. She loves Elmo so Karlee & I met her at the airport with Elmo shirts on and a bag of Sesame Street goodies & books for the ride home. We were instant friends. The week went by much too fast, but my siblings and our spouses had a great time together.

This first picture is Emma sitting in our family high chair. Dad, you will have to help me with how many generations have used it.

She was so cute all bundled up in her winter gear.

Cousins

Big eyes, big sippy

Big girl carrying cousin Karlee's purse

Catching Up

I'm going to try to catch up a few photo's here over the next several days. Here are a few of the Christmas decorations. Thankfully, the decorations are all down and put away now.

What? It's CHRISTMAS, and I Still Have Daisies For a Background?!

Have you ever gotten away from something, and the further behind you get the less likely it is you will ever finish that project? Well...that is me with this blog. I have really been considering just shutting it down, but my children will look over my shoulder and say, "Mom, you really need to update your blog!", "Mom, it's Christmas and you still have Daisies on your background!" Then my dad sent a request this morning, so for my beloved Bopps, I will blog.

During the summer while I was going through the valley with my broken leg, I really did not feel like putting my heart out here on the blog. I knew exactly what the Lord was teaching me, and it is personal and I still will not share it. However, I am glad to be on the other side of that lesson!

I am healing well, my last visit there was significant bone growth! I go back February 21st for one last x-ray, and to be released (hopefully) from the Dr. I am now wearing shoes on both feet and only have a slight limp, and swollen, painful ankle in the evenings to show for my summer.

Today, I am up early to cook for Friend Day at church. It is a sentimental day for me. Read here to understand why.

I will strive to blog more, or I will talk my dad into getting on Facebook, one of the two.

Blessings to you all!

What Kind of Animal Was That?

Here's an Eli story for you.

We just got home from the Dr., and we ran by Sam's Club on the way. The artichoke hearts called my name and I bought a big jar.

Eli came out to help his dad unload the car. He was carrying in the artichoke jar, and he said to JD, "If one of these starts beating, I'm out of here!"

He thought they were the heart of some kind of animal he had never heard of.

That's my boy!

Here is the leg update, copied from my facebook status.

Dr.'s appt. this AM, still no bone growth on x-ray. However, Dr. is encouraged by the fact that I'm walking w/o pain. He feels that I'm making good progress with soft tissue growth and thinks that we will see bone starting to form by next month. If not, on Nov. 22 he will remove the screw in my leg from the top of the ...rod, to cause pressure on the bone. Please pray with us for bone growth this month!

Happy Birthday, Emma!

It's hard for me to believe that we went from this.

To this already!
Happy Birthday, darling niece, I love you!

Quick Update

For my bloggy friends, I wanted to let you know that God is answering prayers for my leg. Although I do not know if the bone is mending, I am able to walk some without crutches. I started yesterday, and have already gone into the kitchen and "cooked" my first meal in 8.5 weeks today. Yes, it was only putting some beans, onions, & a ham bone in the crock-pot, but still! I had to walk around the kitchen to do it, and have my hands free. A wonderful feeling!

Please continue to pray for bone healing for me!

Flashback Friday

I was telling J about this the other day, and thought it was worth putting up here. I hope some of you get a laugh on my behalf today.

Here's the background...I started babysitting at 12, I was a very sheltered, naive girl who had been in Christian Schools and church my whole life.

I was asked to babysit for my hairdresser's two children. They were around 5 & 7 at the time, how hard could it be? When this story unfolds, I had babysat them a few times. By now, I had figured out that they were a couple of Satan's minions. One day I asked them, "Why don't you EVER obey?". The boy looked at me and said, "What does obey mean?". Yep, that's what I was dealing with.

So this particular day, the parents come to pick me up, and on the way to the house they explain to me that they have worked really hard to clean the whole house. A set of their parents was coming in and they really wanted to impress them. They went on and on about the rules they wanted me to follow. Two that stand out is not to let the kids eat in the living room, and NOT to let the pair of St. Bernards out of the garage because the female was in heat.

Well they dropped me off, and the first couple of hours went pretty smoothly. The boy was excited to show me a movie his parents had recently bought. It was Rambo! Not only was there no way I was allowed to watch that movie, there was no way I wanted to either...I do not like blood & gore. But, they both had seen it before, and were totally into it so I let them watch it to try to keep the house clean.

I'm not sure what I was doing when the calamity started. However, this is how it went down. The girl let the St. Bernards out, and without me knowing it the boy had gotten himself a bowl of cereal. I took off running up the stairs after the dogs, it was easy to know where they were, I just followed the trail of blood from the female up the light carpeted steps. In all the commotion, I didn't notice the boys cereal on the floor. I stepped right in that bowl, and spilled it and soaked my sock. I chased the dogs back downstairs, pulled my sock off and threw it in the microwave and turned it on. We had never had a microwave, and I thought this would be a good way to dry my sock...wow, does a wet, stinky sock make quite a stench through the house! About this time, the boy comes out and tells me the toilet is overflowing.

Let's recap, there are blood drips all over the floors, two St. Bernards running wild, spilled cereal on the carpet upstairs, a toilet running over, my sock twirling in the microwave, two children going crazy, AND the guests walk in...SURPRISE!! We made it early!

They helped get the dogs in, and the toilet to stop overflowing. Took me home, and I was never called to babysit there again.

This is a true story!!

Hope you have a great weekend!

The Rest of the Story! Double WOW!

If you read the post before this one, you know that the balance on the hospital bill was $500.00. If you look at the date on the check, you will see that this check was written yesterday. Before we or anyone else (other than the hospital) knew the balance, but guess who did? God!

This check was given to me tonight, it comes from a sister church in the area. It is a true showing of Christ-like love for this church to reach out to us. What an awesome God we serve!!

We are so blessed!

WOW! Good News!

JD just came home for lunch with the mail. He said, "I have some really good news, and some not so good news, which do you want?" I said, "the not so good first".

The not so good news is that we were supposed to close on the house tomorrow morning, and it has been moved to next week. Not horrible, but definitely a downer, as we have been dreaming of a big celebration tomorrow.

The really good news is that the hospital where I had the surgery gave us a discount.

Our bill was $25,635.73.

We received a bill today that said we had a credit of $25,135.73. Our new balance is $500.00.

Is God good or what?!

A Renewed Attitfude

"This is the day the LORD has made; We will rejoice and be glad in it."
Psalm 118:24

A Good Cry

I have that feeling, I need a good cry. I don't want it to happen, but it is going to, and I am not going to be able to stop it.

I went to the Dr. today with high hopes of getting a clean bill of health. Instead, I found out that the main break in my leg is not healing as quickly as the Dr. hoped. The fracture is not mending and it was not a happy visit. My ankle break is healed up, so my Dr.'s advice is to put as much weight on it as I can stand without "gritting my teeth in pain". This might cause the fracture to push back together and begin to mend. Please pray with me that this will be the case, the alternative is just plain yucky, and I don't want to talk about it.

I was in the kitchen yesterday, and the calendar has a big VACATION written across this up-coming week. You see we had plans to take our family on vacation to Gatlinburg, TN, which of course has been canceled.

My mama is coming on October 15th, and it is right in the middle of the Craft Fairs which are huge here in this area, and I had hopes of driving, and being able to walk around with her all day.

We're kicking off a new children's program at church and I am the teacher, and I was hoping to stand to teach those sweet little ones.

Okay, so there are some of the reasons I want to just cry.

I know I have many blessings in my life that I can be thankful for, and I know God is in control, and I know He has my best in His plans.

I just think His plans for me include a good cry.

10,000

I know that there are blogs out there who receive 10,000 visits every day, but this, my little blog, in the middle of cyberspace hit 10,000 visits today. (since I began it, not all today) It is kind of fun to think about all the different people, from all the different countries who have stopped by for a visit! I am honored to be here sharing my life with you. Thanks for listening!

Leg Update

Just a quick update for my blogger buddies. I went to the Dr. yesterday, they removed the cast and the Dr. reassured me that it is perfectly normal that my foot & leg still turn purple (almost black) every time I am up on my crutches. He also informed me that although pain usually means you need to stop what your doing, when in rehab pain means keep on going. In other words he wants me to push my ankle & knee through the pain until I get some flexibility back. I have an appt. in two weeks. He will x-ray everything then and if I have healed to his satisfaction, I will begin to put weight on the leg w/ a walking boot. He gave me the boot yesterday, and let me tell you that thing is a monster, it is huge & heavy! I need to start doing squats so I can haul it around...just kidding...can't do squats if you can't put weight on it silly. So that's the scoop, if you are a praying friend, will you please pray for movement in my ankle & knee? I would appreciate it. If you have anything I can pray for you about, leave me a comment. I have lots of prayer time sitting in this chair!

Have a great weekend!

Go Gators & Wolverines!

Heather

September, Then and Now

I have been reading in Romans during my quiet time for a week or so now. Yesterday, I came to chapter 12. I memorized chapter 12 as a teen for a school project, and was thinking it would be fun to see how much of it I remembered...about the first 4 verses...

Yesterday was our anniversary. We have been married 14 years. I have read of people who "divorce" the first years of their marriage after an affair, remarry and start over. Leaving all of it behind them. I understand this in some respects, there are aspects of my marriage before that bring back bad memories with them. Knowing that if we had done some things different, we would have never had that failure in our otherwise good marriage. However, there are very sweet memories in those years too. We talked last night about my pregnancies and our newborn baby years, of memories too sweet to just "forget".

While I was reading Romans 12 yesterday, I was thinking about the verses, the chapter starts out asking us to be "a living sacrifice", it moves into our spiritual gifts, the gifts given to us to do the specific work God has for each of us, the last verses of the chapter are titled, "Behave Like a Christian" in my version. We could break down each verse, and spend all day in these verses. I came to the end of the chapter, the picture above is a picture of the verses in my Bible. I felt at first as if I had been slapped. I do not remember finding these verses in dreadful 07 just weeks after finding out about the affair. I did not expect to be confronted with that date on my anniversary. Those are memories I try to put far from my mind.

Then I read the verses again. God did not mean to slap me, but to show me that we had overcome evil, that we don't have to hold on to vengeance, it is His, and He will repay. I look back at these three years, and I see God's hand all the way through. He has restored my marriage & family stronger than we ever were before, not perfect, but strong. He has gently guided us back into ministry for Him, sending the right people at the right times into our lives.

I wrote this letter for my church this week...church members you are getting a sneak peek...

Dear Church Family,
I just want to write and say thank you. Not only because you have taken such good care of us since I broke my leg. Thank you for being obedient to the Lord when you called us here as your pastor family. You have shown such grace to us, loving us like your own right from the start. I have said over and over that it was like coming home. It feels so good to know you are where you belong, and I pray that each of you in our church family feel that way too, you belong with us, and without you we are missing a piece. You all make it very easy to love you, and we do love you! Thank you all for the cards, emails, meals, the love offering, and especially those of you prayer warriors out there praying faithfully for us each day. You have made these hard weeks much easier for us! Please continue to pray for your pastor & his family as we continue to strive to serve our Lord with our heart, mind, body, & soul!
Love to all,
Heather

Thank you Lord Jesus for overcoming evil with good!