I have classic supermom, superwife, superpastor's wife syndrome. I am one of those people who look like they have it all together. I am just telling you that no one has it all together all the time.
We were at FBC for five and a half years. I threw my life into that church. The church was down around 40 people after their year without a pastor. While we were there we ran around 100 people on Sunday morning. It was an exciting time of growth for the church and for us.
I am not your typical pastor's wife. I can't sing, play the piano, and I'm not at all graceful. I'm also kind've shy until I get to know someone. However, I love the Lord and love His people (esp teens & the elderly) so I did okay. By the second year we were pastoring FBC I found myself so busy at the church I wasn't ever even seeing J (or hearing him preach) while we were at church. I was teaching the Youth Sunday School, and Wednesday nights, teaching childrens church, and working in the nursery. I was also teaching a ladies bible study group on Monday nights. I was going faithfully to BSF so between that daily Bible study and preparing for my teaching I was really getting a lot of Bible knowledge and strengthening my walk with the Lord. However, I was exhausted from doing so much.
We also bought a small fitness center in our town during that time and I managed that. I worked out there before we bought it and when the owners were closing it I was so disappointed. Well once I started managing it, it was a job to go up there. I had to keep it clean and take care of the customers and slowly I let my workouts slide. I have never had much self/body confidence. With the weight gain came an increasing lack of self esteem.
J on the other hand has never had a problem with self esteem. He is one of those people who learns quickly and just always seems to land on his feet. (he very annoyingly wins at almost every game we play) God has blessed him with a wonderful, outgoing personality and people just naturally love him. He was always getting so much positive attention from everyone else that I never felt like he needed any from me. (Why feed his ego?)
I thought that I was doing everything he could possibly ask for. He came home everyday to a clean house, clean happy kids, a good home cooked meal, etc. etc. This is my love language (service) and I gave it to him big time.
I am trying to set the stage for our next church. There is so much to tell and I don't want to get ahead of myself. I am going to take the weekend to try to put it together.